The Straight Spouse

When book groups ask for the inside scoop, I’m happy to talk about my book title, cover design, and more about my memoir writing journey. Photo by Hannah Kerwin, May 2018.

Walking into a room full of people who have already read my book and want to talk about their reading experience is pure bliss!

Here are some proposed discussion questions to start a lively conversation:

• What are three adjectives to describe your experience reading The Straight  Spouse: A Memoir?
• Was there anything you found surprising about this love story?
• Did this book help you develop empathy for the person who is married to someone who struggles with sexual identity and turns out to be gay?
• Was there a specific scene or passage from the book that has left a lasting impression on you?
• What are some of the “loose ends” or unanswered questions you have about this story?
• Did reading this book make you think any differently about the subject matter?
• Would you recommend this book to other readers?

Yes, many people still love to read books, including memoirs. I’m always on the lookout for opportunities to make author visits to book groups. I listen carefully to what readers have to say. Everyone has something important to share. Book readers are the best kind of people to hang out with these days.

Blessed are they who participate in book discussion groups!

Yes, I bring my book along wherever I go!

My book sitting pretty on the New Nonfiction shelf at Warren Library, Warren, NJ

Books Are My Friends

“We cherish books even if unread; their mere presence exudes comfort, their ready access, reassurance.”—Alfred Edward Newton

I surround myself with books

—some sorted by subject

alphabetized on bookshelves

some planted on my bedside table

or teetering in piles on the floor—

all waiting for my undivided attention

to make me cry or laugh

slow to anger or scared to death

most of them are eager to convey

a full range of emotions

and, most of all, to be memorable

I take them or leave them

depending on my momentary fancy

just having them in my midst calms me:

a lifetime of stimulation

a fortress against the onset of boredom

a sanctuary to keep my mind sharp

woe to anyone who claims

“you have too many” or

“just more clutter in your life” or

“that one is too old” or

“you haven’t touched that one in ages”

I have chosen each one in a thoughtful manner

I handle each with care

I do not carelessly lend them to others

I fret when they wander away

when spineless humans abandon me

I find refuge in books

life may crush me

but books nourish and protect me

from unplanned admissions

to a local psychiatric institution

[Poem by Vivian Fransen first published in The Writers Circle Journal Volume 1 2012]

I’m delighted to share some good news: I was the featured guest on the hour-long Mental Health Matters, a local program co-hosted by Tracy Ecclesine Ivie and Larry Cartwright on Monday, March 5, 2018.

Grab your favorite beverage and relax as you listen to this lively conversation. Or give a listen during your exercise workout. Note: The first 3:30 minutes and last 6 minutes are news, a weather report, announcements, and commercials. The program begins at 3:30 minutes, and I start talking at 6:30 minutes. Here’s the link:

http://www.hunterdonchamberradio.com/Radio_Shows/Mental_Health_Matters/Mental_Health_Matters-2018-03-05_07.mp3

Special thanks to the Hunterdon County Chamber of Commerce for its support over the years of this award-winning Mental Health Matters program!

This experience was another “this little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine” opportunity to apply what Anne Lamott says to my approach for spreading the word:

“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.”

Yes, I color coordinate with my book cover by wearing sunshine yellow.
Photo by Gemini Universal LLC, March 2018.

Books are my friends, and I spend a great deal of time reading and rereading those books that open my mind and heart to the experiences of others. I embrace the line from the movie Shadowlands: “We read to know that we are not alone.” Such stories can teach me, move me, and have a memorable, life-changing impact on me. So it may come as no surprise that I’ve developed a lifelong habit of reading books, especially well-crafted memoirs.

Here are some of my favorite memoirs that inspired me to find the courage to write my own love story (in alphabetical order by author’s last name because that’s how I was trained to organize books on a shelf when working in a bookstore):

• Higher Ground: A Memoir of Salvation Found and Lost by Carolyn S. Briggs, who traces her steps from her early years of struggle to finding meaning and direction as a young woman, wife, and mother fully committed to all things spiritual. She also wrote the screenplay for the movie version starring Vera Farmiga (yes, the same actress who starred as Norma Bates in TV’s Bates Motel). I’m so honored Carolyn Briggs wrote a blurb for my memoir!

• Telling Secrets: A Memoir by Frederick Buechner, who amazes me with his insights about truthtelling and moving beyond the “don’t tell, don’t trust, don’t  feel” mindset [see my FRED Talk blog posting].

• Tiger, Tiger: A Memoir by Margaux Fragoso, who writes so beautifully about such disturbing subject matter, namely, on “how completely a pedophile enchants his victim and binds her to him.”

• Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy, who helps me    understand the true meaning of living with a distorted self-image and learning to embrace what others reject.

• The Kiss: A Memoir by Kathryn Harrison, whose breathtaking honesty about the affair with her father, an ex-theologian, breaks ground as a masterpiece.

• On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King, who gives writing advice and reveals so much about his own life journey. Tip: Listen to the audio version read by Stephen King himself, if you’re lucky enough to find it (try your local library).

• Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott, who helps the reader find passion, meaning, and truth in one’s life and one’s writing.

• Fat Girl: A True Story by Judith Moore, whose first line in the book is the most compelling line of dialogue/hook I’ve ever read: “You’re too fat to [f-word].” Ouch! [Note: Unlike my book, this author lets the curse words and profanity flow freely.]

• Falling Apart in One Piece: One Optimist’s Journey Through the Hell of Divorce by Stacy Morrison, whose tell-it-like-it-is story sets the scene in her first pages: While she’s standing at the sink washing a bunch of arugula, her husband announces, “I’m done….I’m done with all of this.”

• Love Is a Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time by Rob Sheffield, whose love story has a soundtrack and shows the power of music in grieving a devastating loss.

• Stitches: A Memoir by David Small, whose intense graphic memoir using both words and images captures his descent during adolescence and his recovery. Tip: Read in one sitting at first reading (takes about an hour), then reread and reread and reread to truly appreciate the artwork.

• The Glass Castle: A Memoir by Jeannette Walls, whose powerful story started me on the path to becoming a memoir junkie. Here’s the photo that documents the thrill of meeting Jeannette Walls on a book tour. I told her I use her memoir as a litmus test: If anyone I give her book to as a gift doesn’t “get it,” I don’t bother telling that person about my own story.

Jeannette Walls and Vivian Fransen meet on one of Jeannette’s book tours. What a thrill!

Yes, my story may seem quite tame compared to these memoirs. I invite you to take any of these memoirs for a test drive—if you dare. Some memoirs take as much courage to read as they do to write.