The Straight Spouse

I must confess that now, more than ever, I look for an Acknowledgments page before making a final selection on buying a book. If none, it makes me think (1) the author and/or publisher were too much in a hurry to include any mentions of others or (2) the author is a lone ranger who does it all without any assistance from others or (3) some other unknown reason accounts for the omission of this opportunity to express gratitude.

For me, the Acknowledgments section in my book is a sort of love letter. You learn quite a bit about me by reading this piece. Here’s what I wrote for The Straight Spouse: A Memoir:

My cup runneth over with gratitude and affection for those who helped me write, “revise, revise, revise,” and then prepare this book for publication.

It takes a village to write a well-crafted memoir. So I turned to many people for constructive feedback and advice at different points along the way. Special thanks to Glenn Arnowitz for being my first test reader of an early “memory dump” draft, along with Melanie Rigney for her initial professional evaluation. I am grateful for the ongoing critiques and extraordinary encouragement of all members (and talented writers!) in the Watchung Writers Group and the Cranford Writers Group.

I appreciate all the learning experiences gained by participation in various workshops and programs including The Writers Circle, Sharpening the Quill, Women Who Write, and Creative Nonfiction classes. I am so blessed to have received classroom instruction by Paula Balzer (author of Writing & Selling Your Memoir, Writer’s Digest Books; 2011), Jonathan Callard, Waverly Fitzgerald, and Joelle Fraser. I am eternally grateful for advanced one-on-one instruction with Mary Cartledgehayes (author of Grace: A Memoir, Crown Publishers; 2003). I also applaud the valuable assistance of Ronit Wagman through New York Book Editors.

I appreciate the encouragement, experience, and expertise of Karen Hodges Miller and her colleagues at Open Door Publications. Karen is a caring and trusted friend who makes book publishing dreams come true!

I salute my public school teachers (especially Mr. Robert Paul!), Sunday school teachers, and college professors who, in their own way, showed me the power of developing a “this little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine” mindset.

I give thanks for the literary and spiritual insights gained as an enthusiastic fan of the work of Anne Lamott, C.S. Lewis, Frederick Buechner, Jeannette Walls, Meredith Gould, and Dr. Thomas Howard. Likewise, the music of Buller, Balzer, and Aichele; Ellis; George Beverly Shea; Iris DeMent; Jonatha Brooke; Lui Collins; Natalie Cole; Suzy Arnowitz; and Tracy Chapman nourished my spirit as I worked on my memoir. You have all touched my life in meaningful ways!

’Tis the season for book festivals, library events, and book discussion groups here in New Jersey and beyond. Such events are perfect opportunities to reach out to others and pay attention to their current reading interests, as well as to share my story and my passion for well-crafted memoirs. Let’s face it: We all want “to be seen, be heard, and be understood.”

Here’s a sampling of upcoming events open to the public. You are invited (at no charge) to stop by and see various authors in action!

• Indie Author Day 2018 on Saturday, October 13, 2018, 1 PM to 4 PM, at Springfield Public Library, 66 Mountain Avenue, Springfield, NJ 07081. I will be one of a dozen featured authors to celebrate our love of reading books and to engage in book talk with others over cookies and beverages. For more info see this link: http://www.sfplnj.org/programs/calendar/icalrepeat.detail/2018/10/13/4413/-/indie-author-day
• Author Expo on Monday, October 22, 2018, 10 AM to 8 PM (I’ll be there 12 noon to 2 PM) at Monroe Township Library, 4 Municipal Plaza, Monroe Township, NJ 08831. This day-long “meet and greet” event with authors offers an opportunity to learn about books for yourself or for others on your gift list.
• Local Author Day on Saturday, November 10, 2018, 1 PM to 4 PM, at Hillsborough Public Library, 379 South Branch Road, Hillsborough Township, NJ 08844. This gathering of 30 authors from many genres includes author readings and book displays as well as plenty of opportunities for one-on-one interactions.

I’m so grateful I was one of the featured authors at the New Providence Book Festival held on Saturday, September 22, 2018. This outdoor event on Springfield Avenue attracted a marvelous crowd of people eager to celebrate a shared interest in books. The highlight for me was serving as moderator of an afternoon “We Love Books!” author panel, along with mystery book author Michael Stephen Daigle (website: michaelstephendaigle.com) and multi-genre (including fantasy and Gothic) author Linda Raedisch (Facebook page: facebook.com/linda.raedisch). A fun day making new friends!

Sooner or later, someone who struggles with sexual identity will show up at your door. Please pay attention, listen with an open mind and an open heart, and show compassion.

And what about their spouse? The coming-out experience for those who are already in a heterosexual marriage does indeed have an impact on one’s spouse. (What an understatement!)

In the growing number of coming-out stories, the straight spouse always gets short shrift. Developing empathy for the person who is married to someone who turns out to be gay often takes a back seat to the drama of their partner’s journey in resolving his or her sexual identity. Such straight spouses are more likely to be regarded as clueless idiots lacking “gaydar” (a supposedly innate ability to detect someone is gay), victims of a master imposter/scam artist spouse, co-conspirator secret keepers, or punch lines of a bad joke.

So please be part of the solution, not part of the problem, in embracing sexual diversity.

This meme concludes the launch of my first series of memes as conversation starters on social media (namely, Facebook and Twitter) with messages that are relevant to the subject matter of my memoir this month, which marks the one-year anniversary of my book’s release (image credit for these 5 memes: Pexels.com). What do you think?

Let’s face it: Sometimes the unthinkable happens to you or someone you love. You feel the pain and despair. It’s devastating.

Almost never does it help to hear the words: “Get over it.”

I try to remember to breathe. Take long, deep, healing breaths. That’s one way to begin finding one’s way through it all. Better yet, be on the lookout for someone who can listen because, sooner or later, we all discover we “cannot go it alone.”

I’m launching a series of memes as conversation starters on social media (namely, Facebook and Twitter) with messages that are relevant to the subject matter of my memoir this month, which marks the one-year anniversary of my book’s release. Here’s another meme (image credit: Pexels.com). What do you think?

Such a hard lesson to learn, especially for those of us who have serious “letting go” issues.

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”—Ann Landers

I’m launching a series of memes as conversation starters on social media (namely, Facebook and Twitter) with messages that are relevant to the subject matter of my memoir this month, which marks the one-year anniversary of my book’s release. Here’s another meme (image credit: Pexels.com). What do you think?