Beware of this so-called religious slogan: “God won’t give you more than you can handle.”

First, it’s not true.

Consider the estimated 200 people who fell from the upper levels of the burning Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in New York City on September 9, 2011, and died. Most of these individuals deliberately jumped to their deaths to escape the smoke, flames, and extreme heat (in some places, estimated at over 2000°F). [By the way, the medical examiner’s office listed the manner of death as homicide (not suicide) for all deaths associated with the 9/11 attacks.] That tragic situation was certainly NOT an act of God; it was way beyond what any of these individuals could endure or survive.

Second, it’s not helpful.

It’s the drama of life (not necessarily God) that often makes a person struggle with hard times. It turns out almost everyone faces something in life that can be described as being “more than a person can handle” on their own. That’s when each of us needs help. Each of us needs emotional support from others. What we don’t need are platitudes, which come across as shallow expressions often spoken to dismiss or simplify complex emotional issues. For example, my memoir clearly shows how such drama in my life became more than I could handle.

Third, it’s not a verse found in the Bible.

(Visual courtesy of ChristianPhotoshops.com)

I’m told some people claim to apply the following verse as the basis for this slogan:

“…God is faithful; he will not let you (plural) be tempted/tested beyond what you (plural) can bear. But when you (plural) are tempted/tested, he will also provide a way out so that you (plural) can endure it.”—1 Corinthians 10:13 (King James Version)

However, take note that the New Testament was originally written in Greek, and the Greek word used here—ὑμᾶς (humas)—is a plural pronoun for “you,” meaning “you all,” not a single individual. So this verse can be understood as Paul’s way of encouraging the early churchgoers in Corinth around 50 AD that, as a group of believers (and by extension the rest of us throughout the ages), they can endure what they construe as unbearable happenings and find solace in their awareness that “it takes a village” to cope with personal disasters and, as Frederick Buechner would say, one “cannot go it alone.”

So why do some people feel compelled to offer this slogan to others in times of despair?

I consider it a throwaway expression, perhaps said with good intentions but simply misguided. Far more helpful would be these words: “I’m here for you.” Or perhaps “Let’s trust in God (the power of love) to give us the strength to work together in rising above such despair.”

The bottom line: Blessed are they who refrain from using this unhelpful slogan.

I invite you to go to this link: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001msqn and listen to the amazing work that SOUL MUSIC program professionals do at BBC. This 28-minute program includes ME talking about how I am making peace with our love song at 17:30 to 22:00, then again at 25:10 to 26:46. But do take the time to listen to the entire program!

In fact, you can find more than 180 episodes of SOUL MUSIC, which is a radio “series about pieces of music with a powerful emotional impact.”

Thank you, BBC SOUL MUSIC, for including me in this broadcast!!!

Oh, and here’s a photo of Victor and me when we used this song at our wedding in June 1978. After we exchanged our vows at a seaside church, we stared with dreamy eyes at each other during our first dance as bride and groom while the band played on. For me, it was the perfect way to declare our love to the world. It became a statement of fidelity—and part of every anniversary celebration.

Readers of my memoir find out early on in my love story why I consider St. Patrick’s Day 1990 one of the worst days of my life. So it may come as no surprise that since then I never touch a drop of alcohol on St. Patrick’s Day. I prefer to give a listen to Randy Travis singing “Diggin’ Up Bones” as he soulfully ponders “sittin’ alone” and “resurrecting memories” and “exhuming things that’s better left alone” [link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7V2hamnbz4]. So much drama in my life I could scarcely take it all in!

Here I am, 30 years later, with vivid memories of that day etched in my mind when I was so overwhelmed by a totally unexpected curve ball that rocked my world. But today we are all on the cusp of a totally unexpected pandemic with uncertainties looming all around. I’m reminded of living in a world in the early 1990s when the HIV/AIDS epidemic was a death sentence. Those of us who survived without the loss of loved ones to that horrific virus now are facing yet another threat of colossal proportions. I’m tempted to succumb to fear and despair.

I must confess that when many people last week went out to stock up on toilet paper, I stopped at an uncrowded card shop to stock up on sympathy cards. (What does that say about me? I guess I’m preparing for the worst, knowing it will not turn out well for all of us.) But I’ve also learned to armor myself with knowledge and faith and empathy for all involved.

Only this time around, no matter what the future holds, I cherish anew the pure joy of taking long, deep breaths without any respiratory distress in this one-day-at-a-time world. What a gift life is!

Plus, thanks to Frederick Buechner who wrote this prayer for his brother, not a churchgoer, upon his brother’s request when facing a terminal prognosis, I claim it as a perfect prayer for me as well and place it on my nightstand for handy reference:

“Dear Lord, Bring me through darkness into light. Bring me through pain into peace. Bring me through death into life. Be with me wherever I go, and with everyone I love. In Christ’s name I ask it. Amen.”—Frederick Buechner

“Let us be like a bird for a moment perched,
On a frail branch when he sings;
though he feels it bend, yet he sings his song,
Knowing that he has wings.”—Victor Hugo

[Photo courtesy of pexels.com, showcasing the photography of Lucas Pezeta]

“People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.”—Erma Bombeck

These words from beloved Erma Bombeck always make me smile.

First, it reminds me of my dread of bathing suit shopping, which explains why I keep wearing the same stretchy black one-piece with a thigh-forgiving skirt ruffle I bought many years ago at a shop near the lake—on sale in October when buying a swimsuit was the last thing on my mind. It fit, it was snug enough to stay put but comfortable enough for body movement, and—much to my delight—I didn’t have to think about wearing it until the following summer. Never a fashion statement for me, a swimsuit is a matter of having something on hand in case I’m unable to talk my way out of a full immersion water activity. You see, I don’t consider myself a strong swimmer, and I most certainly don’t allow others to photograph me at the beach; it’s not an image that brings me joy. I can share intimate details of my love life in my memoir, but I’m not letting my body parts all hang out in a bathing suit photo. I’m far more comfortable dressed in layers to match my self-defined modest and wholesome sensibilities—a place of safety.

These words from Erma Bombeck also remind me how unconventional (a polite word for being a misfit) I am. I never “went shopping” for a spouse. Quite the contrary, I contemplated life as a “spinster”—not because I wasn’t the marrying kind but because I had decided no one wanted me in that way. As a college student I was preparing myself for a meaningful future without the presence of a man in my life. But all that changed when “Victor” came into my life. I fell head over heels in love with him (a curious idiom to use for a person without any gymnastic abilities—that’s how unexpected true love was for me). I had no doubt he fell head over heels in love with me, too.

So we made marriage vows and embarked on countless adventures together. We followed the rules: We felt totally comfortable with each other and allowed for room to grow. Or so I thought.

Those who read my love story discover how the totally unexpected happens—and how I get myself in some serious trouble along the way. It turns out I needed to “allow for room to grow” in other ways.

Let’s face it: I don’t have a beach bunny body. I see those swimsuit issues of magazines showing photos that benefit from airbrushing all the scars, stretch marks, and other imperfections away. I also know plenty of people don’t like the way they look in a swimsuit. In fact, my Google search tells me “swimsuit anxiety” is a thing. But now it’s time to allow “room to grow” in my thinking on this subject in two ways, which can make us feel so much better:

• Focus on what our bodies can do (such as walk, jump, sit, lie down, relax) as opposed to what they look like.
• Be aware our loved ones are far more likely to remember the fun times we have playing in the water, not how awful anyone looked in a bathing suit.

News Flash: Attitude adjustment now in progress.

[Photo courtesy of pexels.com, showcasing the photography of Toni Cuenca; I’m not ready to publicly pose in a swimsuit…yet or perhaps ever.]